“Pause”, “Stop”, that has been my motto and common thread this summer. Focusing on close relationships, enjoying nature, a morning walk with my feet touching the dew, preparing a meal for my family and friends, fixing some old street lamps, talking to people, getting lost in the immensity of the sea on a board, meditating with my husband, feeling the passage of the kilometers at the driving wheel, savoring every kiss, enjoying a bite, listening to the rain and the rainfall… There has also been “doing”, because in the countryside there are always “things to do”. But yes, with that feeling of using my hands, my body, that it is not a virtual world or at the click of a button, sensing that I am present in the real world. And yes, I have sent messages sometimes by Whatsapp to solve something or to be close to my closest circle or I have used maps in my phone to find a place. However I have really stopped “having to”, social networks in general, the computer, carrying the mobile with me, the imposed schedules, thinking about past and future.
How do I feel after this one month and a half of pausing? I just turned 48 and that day of my birthday I reflected, on these same things, and the truth is that I feel quite good, I feel alive. I can’t think of anything I need to complain about or tell myself “if I did this… or if I did the other.” Of course, I have self-reflections, personal development to do, children, projects, need for work to survive, procrastinations, improvements and plans, things to read and study… But I love myself with all these together, I live with all of it. With my “conscious stops”, with my drive, with my responsibilities, with my imperfections and uncertainties. Sometimes more hurried, sometimes calmer, but trying to be present in all of it.
I realized that this was also what an Italian film “It is all about Karma” was talking about, which I saw two days ago by chance on TV2. Not a transforming movie, just casual entertainment, but with a message. Giacomo, the main character, a kind and calm man, carries in his life an emptiness due to the early death of his father as a child, and comes to the idea in his search, to find himself in this world with the reincarnation of his father. After inquiring, he meets an esoteric French scholar/philosopher, who tells him in whom his father has been reincarnated. At the same time, Giacomo, who admires the philosopher, asks him about his conclusion about life and his studies after all these years of research and reflection. The philosopher tells him, “the roast with potatoes” (which he is going to eat at noon). After nearly all happenings and plot, the same message the philosopher leaves to Giacomo as a note before he dies, “the roast with potatoes”. For him to remember.
Good teaching, I thought. At the end, everything important in life is in the present moments, moment by moment, of everyday life. Whether is studying, cooking, talking, working, researching or fixing.
Ther is also a story that someone asked the Buddha about what he and his monks practiced. Then Buddha answered, “We sit, walk, and eat.” With this answer the rather uncomfortable interlocutor replied: “but teacher, everyone sits, walks and eats” to which Buddha said: “It is that when we sit, we know that we are sitting. When we walk, we know we are walking. When we eat, we know we’re eating.” There we can find the practice of total and complete attention, inner to every moment of daily life.
For me, mindfulness is a way of living, what they now call “lifestyle.” At least a determined intention and aware of the way I want to live. Where I also have a certain intention to apply these principles that Jon Kabat-Zinn talks about in his book “The full catastrophe of living”.
- Non-judgment – first taking the step of realizing when we are prosecuting.
- Beginner’s Mindset – Any situation can be an opportunity to learn if we have the curiosity of the learner, with a mind willing to see everything as if we look at it for the first time.
- Patience – necessary for any practice, for any learning, for any relationship and coexistence. “We accept that things unfold at their own pace.”
- Trust – In us and in our own wisdom. “We are already complete beings.”
- Do not force – “Be more by trying less”. Meditation has more to do with “not doing” than “doing.”
- Acceptance – “Seeing things as they really are in the present moment,” which is not resignation.
- Letting go – Cultivating the quality of “non-attachment”. Letting experiences be what they are, deliberately leaving behind the tendency to cling to what we desire or reject the unwanted
With all this, telling you that practicing mindfulness is not easy, it is in fact difficult “not to do”. It can require “an effort”. This is the paradox of not forcing and effort “not doing”. It’s complicated in the Western society we live in, at least I live in. It requires determination and perseverance, to have a continuous practice and remember each moment, is “that” moment, the one we are living.
I encourage you to learn about these practices this fall from a warm, dedicated and loving hand, my hand in the MBSR (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction) soon coming in English. If you are thinking to start this practice, welcome to click and write me.